I find that I remember every negative thing that has ever happened to me as clear as day, and they build up and build up and once I start thinking about them I can’t stop until I feel so angry I feel like I’m going to explode
Every nasty comment anyone ever made to me, every bit of abuse I’ve ever gotten from accidently cutting someone up when driving. Every bloke who went out of their way on a night out to come and tell me how ugly I am. Every tiny little mistake I ever made.
And yet every postitive comment goes over my head, I get angry because I know they’re not true and then promptly forget about them.
I feel like the worse person in the world but then I read about murderers and rapists and other terrible people who seem to be able get on and live their lives without the gut wrenching self hatred I feel just for existing.